Erogakure
by Thorn In Your Side
Summary: Its exactly what it sounds like. /M for later chapters/ FINISHED AFTER BEING ABANDONED. Unsatisfactory ending.
1. Sun Splash

**Erogakure**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**A/N: FOR PONY. And the LTP. **

**Do I need to do vocabulary? I can't resist squeezing Japanese words into English fanfiction. It's a curse, what can I say? Onii-san is older brother, onee-san is elder sister, gakure means village and ero means…uh, to do with sex, I think…**

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

_Little town._

The sun stretched over the horizon, yawning widely and rubbing her eyes as she spread dawn over the sky like butter on bread.

_A quiet village._

She hummed quietly to herself as she rose higher, draping a serene kimono over herself and allowing a cyan day to grip the sky.

_Every day like the one before._

She squinted at a patch of houses and towers that seemed new. Those hadn't been there yesterday, had they? She sprawled over the heavens, propping up her face on her elbows and peering curiously downwards.

And what did she see?

_Well. _

Come with me, and I'll tell you.

I'll tell you a wonderful something.

0000000000000000000000000

It was impossible. A new ninja village appearing overnight in Flame Country? Impossible.

No, just unheard of. But no one quite had what it took to tell the Godaime of Konohagakure that.

"I want an ambassador selected and an embassy set up! I want a team of high level jounin to go see what the hell's going on in that town! I want tea and Dan in my bed tonight, Shizune, but the last one might be a bit hard for you to manage so I'll settle for the first three."

The young brunette nodded calmly, committing the speech to memory as she bustled efficiently around the Hokage's office. It's a known fact that there was always work to be done in government offices, the ultimate secret is _what _the work is. Shizune ripped off a scroll from the wall and bit her thumb, summoning a bird into existence. She muttered her orders and waved the bird away before dolefully pumping a bit of chakra into her pores to stem the blood.

They really would have to see about updating this whole message system. It was only a matter of time before shinobi began to faint dead away from blood loss.

"You want me to call up Team Kakashi?"

The honey blonde Hokage whirled on her apprentice irately. "Why Team Kakashi? Do you know how many missions that poor man has had to lead in the past year? More than I care to count! Why he was barely in town for a month out of twelve! What if he has a relationship here with someone? Would you have him sacrifice his love just to find out why there's a new village mooching onto my country's free space? Is that what you want, Shizune, for him to die a broken hearted old man who lost his only chance at happiness because his gorgeous and amazing Hokage sent him out on one mission too many?"

"I was just asking," the brunette muttered, "He seems to be your favorite. Why are you only bothering with him anyway, and your own Sakura didn't get a single mention in that rant?"

Tsunade pinned the younger woman with an icy glare. "Shizune. Are you questioning my thoughts again?"

"Ma'am, no ma'am."

"Good. Now, where's that tea?"

0000000000000000000000000

I believe I can fly.

I believe I can reach the sky!

Good lord, are people listening to me? I meant, of course, that we now take a look at Sunagakure, the Sand Village, where another leader is directing another second in command.

"Onii-san," Gaara's truculent teal eyes fluttered to look at the window, "This new village."

Kankurou sat across his little brother, shuffling through sheaves of parchment. No? Fine, sheets of paper. "Our scouts can't get into Flame Country without a visa, obviously, so we can't comment on the activity in this place, but Temari's just left to Konoha to see what Tsunade-san's doing about this. Meanwhile our spies in Iwagakure and Kirigakure tell us that no one there has heard of anything of this village…yet. They're still infiltrating the higher systems, so maybe something will turn up…"

"Are we quite sure," Gaara said quietly, "That Akatsuki has been properly disposed of?"

The puppet master made a noise of exasperation. "Huh, of course! Naruto took care of it, Gaara, you were there. Let it go. Why the hell would _**they **_just prop up a whole village in Flame Country anyway?"

"That's a good question, onii-san," Gaara murmured, eyes still on the window, "Why would anyone prop up a whole village in Flame Country?"

000000000000000000000000000

Why indeed?

What was this village?

Why was it here?

_**How **_was it here?

The sun blinked, shook her head, and continued on her way.

Konoha dispatched a stealth specialist, an ANBU, to visit the village and immersed itself in quiet preparations for conflict and spreading reassuring propaganda to its people.

Temari flitted through the trees, wondering why the hell her world had machines that sent pixilated images across vast distances and yet shinobi had to use manual transportation to get to where they needed to be.

Gaara sat in his office, waiting patiently for his sister's return.

Kankurou…was doing nothing of importance.

And the little village?  
It was just waking up, now, at well past what would normally be siesta time.

A brown skinned girl sauntered up to a blue eyed boy, grinned, and said, "Baby, you got the bluest eyes."

He smiled, and laughed, and grabbed her hand to jerk her forward into a playful kiss.

Ah, the little village.

No day _**exactly **_like the one before.

Certainly not quiet.

Erogakure.

The village of smut was waking up.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

**I have no plot bunny. And I have no characters. And I have no time. What the hell am I doing starting a new story now? **

**Meh.**

**Brown skinned girl?**

**Totally me. **


	2. Into the Village

**Erogakure**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**A/n: I'm so happy I was able to resist posting any and all oneshots before I updated a story. I CAN TOTALLY RESIST TEMPTATION. **

**Anyway, I chose the story that was easiest to write, but what the hell.**

**I still haven't quite found a plot for this…**

**/now edited to suit canon pinchshipping**

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

Anthony was not a name commonly found in rural shinobi Japan. And

yet the ANBU member sent out to investigate the new village was named that. He was fairly young, but he was brave and strong and had a good, sensible head on his shoulders.

A head that was being rapidly turned by the weirdness of Erogakure.

Getting there had been easy. It was getting _**in **_that proved to be the tricky part.

Anthony stared at the large board the customs official had pointed to when the ANBU asked for an express visa.

COUPLES ONLY, it screamed at him.

"I don't understand," he began. The official rolled her eyes and made a derogatory noise. A noise like that would have been a mortal affront back home, but Anthony was in uncharted waters here, and he let it pass.

"You only go in," she enunciated, "With another person."

They'd see about _**that. **_He turned around and walked the entire circumference of the walled villageuntil he found what he was looking for: a sewage drain.

_Here goes nothing, _he thought, _for queen and country! I mean, Hokage and village. _

He emerged smelling extremely unsavory, to say the least, but luckily perfume jutsu were his specialty, and he'd managed to avoid the debris in the drain with some mad ninja skills.

The streets of Erogakure were paved with cobblestones and chalk art. They bustled with merrily dressed folk in silk and chiffon, but there was certainly something…odd about the people. At first he thought it was that they seemed to all be staring weirdly at him, and then he realized what it really was.

Everyone was one in a pair.

Whether it was a man and a woman, or two women, or two men, they were all walking along in twos. Anthony, in his singledom, was attracting curious looks from passersby—those that weren't absorbed in their partners, at least. Paranoia snuck up and clung gleefully on his back. He looked around for someplace to escape the attention, and decided the roofs would be a safe bet. He slunk into an alley and leapt onto the terrace of a building.

And allowed his eyebrows to shoot up into the sky.

A girl was slowly backing a boy against the parapet of the wall overlooking the street. He laughed when he bumped into the brick, and let her slide her arms around his waist.

"If I fall," he said quietly.

"Like I'd let you," she grinned, pulling him closer to her.

"Taylor," he whispered carefully. The name on his tongue was a delicate piece of porcelain, to be handled with care lest it drop to the ground and shatter into a thousand shards. Taylor seemed to know this, and gently took the word from his tongue with hers, pushing it into herself and exchanging it for another name.

"Mihael..."

He sighed happily, as though grateful that she remembered who he was despite the growing heat between them, and they kissed again.

Anthony's fingers convulsed helplessly at the shame of being privy to this intimate moment. He jumped back down, not bothering to check below, and landed on a young girl.

"Ow!" she exclaimed, "What, its raining boys?"

"Sorry," he said, hastily, backing away from her too. The girl reached out to snatch his hand.

"Wait," she said, "Where's your mate? Did you lose her?"

"I—who?" Anthony furrowed his brow, confused.

"Your _**mate,**_" the girl said impatiently. Her warm eyes drunk him in. "Where is she?"

"I don't…I don't have a mate."

The eyes widened. "But that's impossible! You can't enter Erogakure without a mate! What, are you an illegal immigrant?"

"I guess you could call me that," the ANBU mumbled sheepishly, and she sighed. "Come with me, it's not safe to be alone on these streets." She looped her arm through his and dragged him along. Anthony knew she was going to turn him in to some sort of authority, and that would kind of go against his orders of 'not attracting any attention', but something about the way she felt against made him want to never let go.

What? He was just a thirteen year old boy. He's _**allowed **_to let his heart get the better of his common sense.

"By the way," the girl said, "I'm Kate. Kate Kimiko, the Shipper."

"I don't understand—"

"I'll explain later."

00000000000000000000

In the middle of this queer little village, and I do mean the middle, the

smack dab center, there was a house. It was different from all the other

houses and buildings and such not because of its architecture or painting or

the cute little swing set on the front yard, but because of who lived there.

There lived in the house two people.

One was a boy—at least, he was fairly sure fifty nine percent of that

time that that was what he was—and the other was definitely female in form

and nature.

They were twins. And they looked nothing like each other because they

were foster twins. A bit confusing? Maybe. Felix and Thorn were born on

the same day, on the same time, even in rooms of the same measurements

and decorations, but they were born in two different time zones, to two

different sets of parents. They were both adopted into the same family later

on, and that was how they stayed.

These two people are important in a few ways. But the way in which

they're important to the story thus far is that this village of smut that so

befuddles the shinobi world was founded and run by them.

It is these two that have the final say in how things are done in these

parts.

It is these two that are recognized as the leaders of the village.

It is these two that get discounts at all the teahouses.

But most importantly, it is to these two that Kate is bringing Anthony.

00000000000000000

Temari met Shikamaru at the Korean noodle bar Tsunade had so

graciously allowed in her village. The brunet nodded to the blone.

"Troublesome, isn't it, this new village?"

"I'll say," the girl agreed, "Who'd you dispatch?"

"An ANBU. Bright kid, they tell me his name's Anthony. I never met

him myself."

"That's a foreign name."

"Don't be so troublesome," Shikamaru scolded, rubbing at his neck as

he used the other hand to wave the waiter over to their table, "He's capable."

Temari shrugged. "Anyway. I need a visa for Suna to dispatch a team

too."

Shikamaru smiled. "That can be arranged swiftly. Maybe I can buy you

lunch while we wait?"

Temari tipped him a _I'll Think About It _grin. "Maybe. After I get the

visa."

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

**Inspiration, thy name is plankton. **


	3. El Fin

**Erogakure**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. **

**A/N: Yeah, I'm sorry guys, but this isn't working out. I really have no plot for this, one of the pivot pairings isn't canon anymore, and—well, honestly, I'd just prefer Erogakure to stay in my head. -.-**

**This is the last chapter, and I hope you understand if it seems abrupt…**

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

Kate led Anthony in by the elbow, and stopped short. The living room was a _**mess. **_A half dozen pizza boxes were scattered around the various armchairs and loveseats, interspersed with wads of used tissues and soda cans. In the middle of the filth sat a sixteen year old girl, hair flopping sadly onto her face, loose tee sliding off her shoulder and a slice of pizza in her hand.

"Thorn!?" Kate cried, alarmed, "What's wrong?"

Thorn looked up and threw her arms skywards in helplessness. "Raven dumped me!" she wailed.

Anthony picked his way through the room, stepping between leftover crusts and bits of olive. "So you decided to eat yourself to death?" he asked incredulously.

"Hey, I feed the pain because it helps!"

Kate hugged the mourning brunette hard, expressing her sympathy with the magic of love. "Aw, it'll be okay," she said, "You wanna prank call him or something?"

"You don't think Felix and I already did that?" Thorn sniffled, "Thanks for asking, though."

"Speaking of which, where _**is **_he?"

"I went to get her more tissues," said a voice from the door. Anthony turned to see a dark haired British boy walk in. And oh god, if you ask how he knew he was British I will _**die **_laughing. It's the accent, okay? It's the accent.

"Felix!" Thorn burst into a fresh round of tears and threw herself into his arms, "I need a hug!"

"…What have I been doing," Kate muttered, "Strangling her?"

Felix looked askance at the younger girl as he helped his pseudo-twin into a chair. "Kate," he said, "Who's the boy?"

"I found him wandering the streets without a partner," the Shipper said in hushed tones, "I brought him here because I thought—you know. You'd know what to do."

"Yes, well, I'm sorry Kate, but I'm having my own crisis here," Thorn said, "I've been dumped, you see."

Felix grinned at her. "C'mon," he said, "You're going to have to get over that soon. Look at the bright side: now you and I can go out again!"

Thorn stared at him, and then blew her nose into a tissue.

"Yeah, okay," she sighed.

"Then that's your criss averted," Fee said, turning to Kate, "Now what do we do about the boy?"

"Find out where he's from," Thorn suggested.

"I'm right here, don't talk about me as if I can't understand what you're saying," Anthony said irately. "I'm from Konohagakure. An ANBU from Konohagakure. And we would like to know what an unauthorized ninja village is doing in Fire Country."

"This isn't a ninja village," Felix said, just as Thorn said, "Oh, is that all?"

Kate wandered away to the kitchen to see if there was anything to eat, because I have no dialogue for her at the moment.

"Our village," Thorn said, "Is a village of entertainment and love and loose sex."

Anthony blinked. "…What?"

Felix tried this time. "Thorn and I made this village," he said, "Because we felt that some people really need a place to relax."

"We go around from country to country offering the best poker tournaments known to man, and free sex manuals…and, just, you know, shit," Thorn added, "It's like a couples only place, though. Homosexual or heterosexual, we don't mind either way as long as you're with someone."

"Okay…"

"You're wondering how we got here so suddenly," Felix stated.

"Yes."

"We have our ways," Thorn grinned, "They involve the assistance of the seven-tail jinchuuriki."

Anthony raised his eyebrows. "Way…cool."

"Mmm, yes, thanks," she said, "Any more questions?"

He shrugged. "Not…really…?"

Felix handed him an invitation. "That's for your village," he instructed, "Everyone's welcome."

"…Thanks?"

"You're welcome. Now, get out of our village and don't show up single again."

"…Okay?"

And thus did the story conclude in an extremely sad manner.

Well, the story told by me.

What happened when Tsunade caught wind of the poker tournaments is another story entirely.


End file.
